Time Flies…

As I sit here on the computer (I am supposed to be working on a ridiculous paper that I am going to have to talk about in class tomorrow, but instead I am writing this…very productive of me, huh?) I can glance over and see my huge dry-erase monthly calendar, and I am utterly amazed that another month will be x'd out soon. Sadly that means that this semester is almost over and that finals are near, it also means that there is a ridiculous amount of work to be done--projects, papers, readings, worksheets, etc.--work that I am not motivated to do because it is so close to break. Christmas break that is :), and I love Christmas break. I have four class days left, two "dead days", and four finals that I have to get out of the way before I am able to go home for Christmas and relax with my family. And I am not ready for those things. I have a project due tomorrow, I have to be able to basically summarize everything that I have learned all semester for another class tomorrow, I have chapters to read for a different class tomorrow, and I have to go to work; then Thursday I have a class that have to read a chapter for, and then I have to work on a different project that is to "show future employers how valuable I would be to them as an employee", only it is not what I am going to do after graduation so I am not at all motivated to do it; then Friday I have two classes, both of which I currently have no idea what I need to do for. Then I have a weekend "breather" that will give me the time, and hopefully the motivation, to finish all my course work for Monday, the final day of classes. After Monday comes two "dead days", then finals week starts, luckily my first two aren't till Friday then my last two are the following Monday. Then I get to go home and relax. I have decided to take this Christmas break as just that, an actual break where I plan (if the travel season permits) to go visit some current college friends in their hometowns, places I've never been before. This Christmas break is probably going to be my last as a true college student, and I don't want to work. I worked the summer before, the Christmas break during my freshman year, the summer break before and the Christmas break during my sophomore year, and last summer, the summer before my junior year. Next summer I will be doing a practicum in a place that currently only the Lord knows, then after my last semester actually at the Baylor campus I will be moving to another place that the Lord is again the only one who knows where that will be, to do an internship before graduating from Baylor in May 2009. Wow, I always end up thinking about the future, yet I still have no real idea of what that is going to look like. I can plan all I want, but God is going to put me where I belong, where he wants me. In one of my classes we are supposed to look to the future and answer questions about how we think we are going to do things, but I can never answer those questions because I have too many other questions that stem from them. Today we talked about what we would do about the division of paid and unpaid labor between ourselves and our significant other. I thought seriously about that question, and the only answer I came up with was that it depends. Of course the professor asked me to elaborate, so I did:

I am going to Baylor so I will have a good, solid, education that will help me when I am looking for a job so that I can make money and provide for myself. But that is all about me, if and when I get married I will be able to provide income, as will my husband because I do not see myself marrying a man who wants to be a stay-at-home-Dad (**there is nothing at all wrong with stay-at-home-Dad's, but in my marriage if anyone stays at home I want it to be me, not my husband**) or a man that has no job and no prospect for a job. I am traditional in my beliefs about the family and roles within the family, the man provides and the woman has and raises the children. But I also believe that the man needs to be the father, he must be involved in the lives of the children. I have no problem dropping my career when I get pregnant, in fact, that is what I want to do. I want to be there for my children 24-7-365. I don't want to hear from their childcare teacher about their first anything, I want to experience it. My choice, and I believe that every woman should be able to choose how they want to do things within their marital relationship, is to be the woman that is "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen." (When I said this in class there were some nods and some gasps, it was quite interesting…) I want to be the stay-at-home-Mom for at least the formative years for my children, if not the whole childhood--that is until they reach later elementary school age. My mom was an amazing role model, and I want to be that for my own children.

On the flip side I do understand that sometimes it is necessary to have two incomes to sustain a family, and if I need to work I will. I am not going to say that I will have no problem going back to work after my child reaches the age of being able to be enrolled in a quality child development center, because I would. But if it is necessary for me to work in the paid labor force in order to provide for my family that is what I will do.

Also, when it comes to the unpaid labor, I want the division to be traditional: my husband will work in the paid labor force, and I will work in the home doing the unpaid labor, the "homemaking". That is not to say that he is entitled to come home and do nothing, but it is to say that after a day at the office--or wherever he works--he should be allowed to come home and not be bugged about cleaning this or that. Although, it will be his responsibility to see that everything in the house is in good working order, he will be responsible for the mechanical stuff like taking care of the cars and such. As for things like the lawn, I have no problems handling a mower, but if he has weekends off that is perfect time to spend with the children teaching them responsibility and such.

There are so many thoughts in my head about how things should be, and how things might be, and how I don't want things and I don't even have a boyfriend. And I am fine with that, because like stated above, only God knows where I am going to end up, and my future husband could be wherever that is waiting for me like I am here waiting for him.

I know this has been completely random and semi-stream of consciousness and I am sorry for that, but it is something that I wanted to write about…I just hate it when class gets me thinking… :)